Living Deliberately

On my bathroom mirror growing up was a quote by Henry David Thoreau:

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.”
— Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854)


My parents didn’t instill much in me in the way of values, and we never had inspiring chats. But this quote quietly shaped me more than anything else has.
If there’s one thing I feel compelled to do, it’s live a passionate life—being fully present in whatever experience I’m having. I think 80% of health and longevity comes from that. It’s simply deciding that you will not have a mediocre life.

And that is a choice you make over and over again.

I’ve found myself in many soul-destroying situations where I had to choose to quit or leave instead of remaining quietly miserable. At first, it was terrifying to walk away—whether from a job, a group of people that didn’t feel right, or a stagnant living situation. But in my experience, when you say no to what doesn’t serve you, the universe supports you. Especially if it’s a conscious choice. Leave what doesn’t nourish your soul sooner rather than later, and harsh wake-up calls—burnout, crises, or accidents—don’t need to happen.

My experiments with intentional living started after enduring some really difficult experiences. I got married at 19 to a man I met online (the internet only got started when I was 16, so this was VERY early in the online scene). We met on a Smashing Pumpkins IRC chat room. I moved to the US and endured not only an abusive marriage but years of dead-end customer service jobs and no hope of a university education. I actually became suicidal.

My soul was dying. But I used every spare moment to devour books (starting with Thoreau) and read widely on everything I could find—spirituality, philosophy, literature. I gave myself the education I needed.

The first joyful and truly intentional thing I did was, after reading On the Road, quit my job to follow the Smashing Pumpkins around the country. I met Billy Corgan multiple times, and it was our chats (he actually sat down and talked with me) that got me out of a deep dark hole. Billy Corgan is one of the most passionate and inspiring people I’ve ever met. His giving me the time of day (as an obsessed fan) really made me value my life.

Then I came back to New Zealand and spent years doing what I was passionate about. I studied eco-tourism, outdoor recreation, environmental studies, ecology, and permaculture while exploring wild places. I volunteered as a hut warden for DOC, grew my own food, experimented with living money-free, and attended 13 ten-day Vipassana courses.

I had my daughter, explored intentional parenting, lived in intentional communities, house-sat, traveled to South Africa, took a yoga teacher training, opened a yoga studio, learned Theta Healing, ran women’s circles, lived in a van while road-schooling my daughter, and walked Te Araroa. Eventually, I moved to the place that felt most like home (which I recently discovered was where my ancestors first settled in the 1850s).

But living with intention isn’t just about choosing what you say yes to. It’s about creating enough space to actually engage in life fully.

Which is why I do one thing at a time. I focus intensely on the thing (currently, this business) and suck all of the marrow out of it.

And not just focusing, but creating space around your focus.

For example, I have spare time that I could fill with other activities, but I allow space for my passions to flourish. And I tell you, creating that space is hard. Being busy is not a badge of honour—it’s often a trauma response. When we fill all our free time with busyness, we aren’t truly living.

So often, we have to relearn how to be still, to make space, to simply be in the moment—fully present. The stillness side of Embodied Soul is designed to support you in feeling safe in your body, so you can live intentionally and focus on what’s most important to you.

​If you’re curious check out my offerings for Restorative Yoga, Embodied Processing and Intuitive Healing.